The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come
to..." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."
That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. "
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and
perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too;
you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of. . . "gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but
you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London ."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And
these
twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was
so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done
right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a
good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed
it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your, um...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll
set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, I have to
use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for
very long."
"Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
