In case this ever comes in handy!!!

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1.  She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2.  She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3.  She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4.  She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5.  She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED
COMPANION.

6.  She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7.  She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8.  She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. [Whoooo Hoooo !]

9.  She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

10.  She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

11.  She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

12.  She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

13.  She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1.  He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2.  He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3.  He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4.  He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5.  He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6.  He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7.  He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8.  He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9.  He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.