A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

MAN: "Jo, jo, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

MAN: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

MAN: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one."

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"

MAN: "All my relations are in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

MAN: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We
don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"

MAN:  "No, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

MAN: "No, she is white."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"

MAN: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

MAN: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

MAN: "She going to poison me. She buys a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read: it says, 'Polish Remover'."